Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Take Out The Trash

Like a broken toy, we are going over it again. Today I gave him a reason to pull away from my reach with my emotional self. Could crying really be such a game changer?
As I try to show him my true self, he is getting closer by each day. As he does so I make a mistake: make myself feel better by crying. Seems a though a sin, because his reaction-turned-into-words made me wonder if this is actually headed anywhere? 
Every time I try and distance myself because nothing is promised in this love game, he gives me reason to become a part of him. 
And once I reach the point I want to give him my all, he lets go of the rope I am holding on. 
The fear of this not ending well is great, but I am still putting work into it because I enjoy the happiness he brings into my day. 
I do not know a lot of things. I use these words so often they've turned into a part of my everyday vocabulary.  I never meant to lose myself through any man, but it happens. More often than it should. And I am left to none but myself. I let him have his ways, because I enjoy most of the control he has over me. But there is a point where I need to put myself out in the open and show him that I have my rights too. And the only one that really stands out is the fact I like talking to anyone important face to face. As to him text messages will do. But how can I explain the importance of that to me when I am being denied my only wish?
My heart has taken too much today, and my body denies every action I make. I will write later tonight, because at this point I need to be with myself more than with anyone else.

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