Monday, March 17, 2014

Purple Bandages

When the pain curled up inside my stomach comes out of my body's reach, it turns into tears that can express more hurt or happiness. It all depends on what happened to let it out.
He sat there, explaining to me what is right or wrong to do without giving me the solution: that part was left for me to think through. Unfortunately, I am more confused then ever. Here I thought it was only college that mashed my brain, when there were things that involved him, bothering that pit even more. As ready as he feels, it is never the right time to take care of such matters. The only lesson is to do it sooner because it will hurt more if the wait is longer. The guilt linger onto my skin as if I had done something so wrong. But is finding yourself in a man such a bad thing, honestly? He feels the same but what happens next stays a mystery. 
Or does it?
I see two possible scenarios after "taking a break" from her. The more time he spends with me the more he will learn to be with me, and appreciate what he's done: making it worth "the break". The second choice is the one I fear. As he spends more time with me, he will learn to dislike many things about me and wish he never ruined a good relationship. So much for being optimistic. 
But why shouldn't I be? All we do, say, touch, feel is far more than real. Looking at his lips gently caress my skin shows me how real this is. Hearing him try and help me solve some inner problems does even more to this, what we have going on together. How special I felt today. He kissed me more than twice in front of others. But it felt uncomfortable for some reason. I guess it is because I told him how much I dislike PDA. What I approve of is him kissing me at any point, but with care, showing me how much I mean to me. But taking out the parts we will not sure with the public eye. I feel so good beside him but I have a feeling we might have one little problem. I do not know why or how, but I wish he would hold my hand. Never did I find the importance in that but now I want it more than anything in the World.
Let us hope today brings more happiness and not more tears to my burning eyes.

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