The difference is clear here. The air is a stale mix of cigarettes and alcohol with a sudden faint scent of burgers eaten close to us. The sand is stuck on my skin, with no getting off until I am far from the ocean. The ocean itself is a mess. With the sand and seaweed mixing into a cocktail that brings nothing but leftovers inside our swimsuits, the waves push as away, not inviting us into its cold waters.
The only inviting part today was a love scene I couldn't help but notice. As I enjoyed my view, looking into the distance, I see a man and a woman. They stand still with their feet firm under the sand, waiting for the waves to cool their bodies. As it reaches them, she jumps a bit and he wraps his arms around her. As he does that she stands still, with nothing but her arms slowing moving around his neck. He pulls her closer and kisses her with such appreciation that it was no wonder they were meant to be.
So was it crazy of me to think of him first at that sight? To wonder what it would feel like to show the world how much he means to me and how I fall deeper and stronger for him every day? I would think not. He is someone worth showing off. But I have respect for him. Never would I try and push him into making myself the choice for him. If she is the true happiness for him, then I will let go of him because I want him to be happy every day of his beautiful life.
But if it's me?
Hold on now, let us not get my hopes up. But the truth of the matter is that I want him in my life. And that it would be the hardest to let go of what he has done to me.