Thursday, April 3, 2014

I Want To Be Alive

A few days off from writing and my hands start shaking in a way only caffeine could do to me (or drugs on some people).
So, I turned 20 on Tuesday. I know, very exciting and as always the same questions line up: Do you feel different? any back pain yet? What are you going to do on this magical day?
I did not feel different until yesterday when I made many life changing decisions regarding the way I treat myself. You see, I let other people control my behavior through words and acts as I lay aside watching and waiting for a reason to be angry or cry. That is, any excuse to not concentrate on what is really important in life; finding myself. The discovery of my love for writing led men to study Journalism, but my craving for the life in the city should lead me to no other than New York City. I know what you're thinking more than anything right now. Why am I not writing about my love life because, after all, it seemed like the most interesting thing about me. Well, my dear readers, I want to spend this year showing myself everything I am capable of and not letting anything or anyone stop me.
I want to write as much about love as I have before but to be honest, right now there is no specific love happening in my life other than the one I share with my family, friends and myself. And, according to my mother, men are more attracted to women who know what they want, are independent enough to not need them in a way that is too clingy and, in the end, annoying. The minute I find myself and stop caring when will I find the love of my life, he will find his way to me and magic will happen. You know I am no cheesy person when it comes to love, but I do believe in ending up with someone who will appreciate and love me through all my flaws.
Now, where was I? Oh yes, loving myself. I even stopped biting my nails because it is getting old and annoying and I need to calm down, breathe in and then out and read more books. Only two weeks left of this semester and I need to keep my grades high enough to be proud of myself, and then I can move to the next chapter.
I sure hope you will follow me on this adventure, reader, because I want to show you how great life can be when you learn to adore all that you already have rather than mourning over what was never yours.

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