Benvenuti

You know that perfect moment when you realize you have found the love of your life?

Well, I do not.

After many posts in the past couple months, I decided it was time to properly introduce myself. My real name is a bonus you get on the sidebat as you read through my "words of wisdom", but I might as well be known to you as Lucy. Think of me as that girl that hates cliches, yet ends up crying when watching a romantic comedy. The one that has as much luck in her love life as she does in writing terrible poetry, and yet here she wrote so much about a man with a girl. Here is the deal: that man is gone, he finally found away out of my World and now instead of spending my time chasig a never-returning love, I let the boys do the chase. Not that I won't be of help but I promise to be a little less of a man when it comes to those things. Right now, college is my life: I am so consumed with it that my freetime is considered going on tumblr on the weekends and studying weeks ahead. Overachiever? I think not.

I want to share with you my feelings: some days in works that showcase much emotion and description, and others might as well be lessons I learn as I walk through the streets of Miami.

I will make a promise to you (though I hate doing so): I will write at least every other day and I hope to bring something soothing, exciting, or helpful in your life.

Stick around, I might be somewhat interesting ✌️

Deep Wounds

Shaking from coffee or from the fact you broke my heart all over again?

The Iliad in my hands, 12:03 AM. Your words seem like a joke through text message, but yet you let them happen. You let it all fall down on me again. A friend? Lover? I beg to differ. The distance scares you yet you give me no choice but to find another to warm my body with one kiss. I am strong until the moment I am weak. Usually in your arms, and only because of you. No blame, but mere appreciation of a fallen god who seems to know just what to do to make me question everything over and over again. I wished to stop making sense and putting your affection into words, right here, and yet your soul i surrounding me and wants nothing away from here. 

So how do you sleep at night if I can't?

So much I want to tell you, 

So many questions I want to ask you.

You let it all fall down on me again. 

Even That Chance

My words turned to ash, and I have been skinned-off from all I need and want.
You were my muse and now it is as though you faded with every part I hate about myself. The irony in this "relationship" has reached a whole new meaning. I wish to watch the leaves shiver as the wind blows them far far away from their home and not care what you did in the past hour because I bet it involved rolling under the sheets with all of her beauty and grace.
Watch as the next few days I use the image of you to inspire the best in me and slowly push you out. Again, a chaos is there, but I am solving it and turning it into something that could be considered beautiful in its own heartbreaking way.
Sometimes I am blocked. My head would freeze in a moment of all this free-writing and shut itself out of this World. My World. The greater purpose to all this is to show you what I feel and see. I would love to talk about men and what they do to me but I would rather tell you how I still do not know what I want to do with myself, and now, without a muse, without any person but myself, to guide these thoughts I am left to ramble and and already write when my classes asked for it. But isn't that sad? Once a writer who could go on forever about every touch, every bump on his perfect body, to staring at the bright light of this screen and wondering what's next? We all need a little help but in different things. I, for one, can only help myself in the messes I make. I would use a metaphor for this but it is pretty self-explanatory. I dream of finding someone new to come into my World as a strong but beautiful perfume would do to a room.
I see something, there, all the way in the back., I am still not sure what it is but it involves many smile exchanges and looks that send happiness through my spine. I guess nothing left to do but wait and see when will his face show clear enough for me to understand it.
But you know what? This has its own beauty. The wait for the unknown. I guess we are all so scared of it that when something doesn't come with ease we find ways to push it away. Maybe if we tried pulling it in for once, and letting it have its affect things wouldn't be as complicated as they always seem.

Shitty First

The skies are dull as the rains pours

sending my love on a new course

in life where there is no us together, 

yet it seems as if that way it is better.

I find the attraction hard to resist

and how quick it has turned to mist.

So fast a poem is lost in there

and it is all far too hard for me to bear.

No rhythm, no talent to stow

upon my life in this fast blow

as I am to leave oversea tonight

and he will never with that put up a fight.

I am lost in thought, deep inside

where there are many things to hide,

as I am mysterious as the black sea

covering from the love of thee,

all I begged for was your love to be mine

and for it to become intertwined and fine.

As your lips may brush past those on me in pink

and no ship for me was supposed to sink, 

and the time for me to let you be is soon to come

and who am I to hide from

this life you have brought me to 

the minute you touched through

my heart and soul and made it yours to keep,

forever you will stay inside, far too deep...

Thought Keeper

I might have lost my muse to be left with words unspoken.
Let the warmth sink in as I imagine myself on the beach back home, writing to release all that I feel. Do you ever find yourself inspired by music to a point you are hardly aware of what is going on around you and what universe you belong to? Well, I do.
My muse is further away with every minute. One pull closer to me, and many pushed back to her. I am almost certain I lost in this game of love, where I had so little to give yet I end up with a broken heart. The friend is still as close as ever, but we all know it doesn't feel the same. I am to leave tonight, to see my loving parents and sibling, as there wis much planned not involving my heartache. I learned to deal with it that dull day reminded by its tears and screams with some begging for his affection. Now I get the amount I am not sure I can handle yet I need it.
To be as strange as I am, mess comparing your lost lover to a work by Chopin. Oh, the beautiful tragedy behind that story, if only you knew every detail behind those dark and painful eyes...
There will be much to inspire me as soon as I feel the spring showers pour down on my clothes, and smell the freshly grown flowers linger to the tears of the sky. I am hoping the distance gives me  new view on many things because I could use a new perspective to this life.
I have made some clean decisions regarding many recent happenings, and there is much more I have to learn. The dedication with which I am currently learning languages, reading books, and cleaning up my messes have proved me as decent person, I would say.
Now, I ramble, and talk of thousands of different things through one post. Is it because I have too many things to say? To live by/ I am not sure of that, but I know that as chaotic as it may seem, it is all in a disconnectedly perfect order inside my brain. Let it go, let it go, let it go...

I Want It All

Days off from writing and I feel like I've been missing a great part of myself.
So, school is officially over. All the finals and last things to turn in are done and there is nothing gore to do or to say. Well, not until May 11th, that is.
I know my name still rings in his ear, and my scent is nothing something that will soon leave his presence. Although I've released myself from love and all the burdens of it, I still feel the same. Don't you think I want to change that as well? 20, and stuck in the same game, losing every turn I have. Well, if anything, I have not cried,  and I have been taking myself as the more important person here by pushing towards becoming something and someone, and not staying nowhere while everyone moves on with their lives.
At this point I am tired. I've made great plans for the next semester, and to be honest, I cannot wait to get on with it. I set some expectations too high but there is no better way in making me do actual work.  Classes including Rhetoric & Writing, Nutrition and a lab, and Western Civilization: Early Europe, all ask for my complete attention through which I will prove myself as someone worthy of going to FIU and becoming a well known blogger (or whatever life throws at me). I need to tell you something though: I need bigger motivation than  what I've had so far because with this much of it nothing will be finished. I can't keep on starting on the right foot and fucking up by end of the semester because that is not how life works. Also, I am leaving back home on Monday and that should be enough inspiration to write to you what I feel, love, and want. I have all I could've ever asked for: now it is up to me to make something out of it.
I think it took me turning 20 to realize all I've done wrong so far. No more excuses, no more filters, I am putting all of me out there and I will get the results I want.

And...Action!

Apparently, as a blogger (or any "job" assimilated with writing, you are allowed to use writer's block as an excuse for not blogging daily, not having written a bestseller in the past 10 years, or for just being lazy, as we all probably are.
I've learned to appreciate the love I have for him by concentrating on things that are more important in my life. I am raising my standards not only in love, but in everything I do in my life. This Summer, my main goal is to pass with A's- no questions asked. I need to show myself that I can do magic under a short period of time. The main reason I have failed so far is due to the lack of motivation. It's not that I didn't have it, I just didn't concentrate on it properly to give me a reason to prove myself. My organizational skills (time management) is shitty to a point where there is no organization, and it is all chaotic: because of which I decided to concentrate on smaller problems (think love life), and divide my attention from the real ones.
Right now, the main reason I am writing is to motivate myself: that is what writers do after all, isn't it? All I am lacking is my own laptop (because God know what happened to mine to just give up on me), organizational abilities, focus (you know that is always the hardest button to button), etc.
I change my career ideas from day to day. I do want to study Journalism, but as I am, I want to do some Public Speaking and even Broadcasting because all of that media sounds like a life worth living for me. I know some people get a kick out of biology or math, but we are all different no matter how similar, and it's great we have different plans to encounter in our lives. The reason I look for love is because once I find it I will be completely devoted to my future since a great part of it will be there. To turn to that side a little for now, I just want someone who want cling on to me in a way that will scare me off, but stay there in a way they could prove their trust, loyalty and love to me, as I wish the same. I always thought of myself as a romantic, but not a cliche one.
Now, this has turned into rambling, and I have much work to do because of finals starting tomorrow. I hope my life gets more interesting tomorrow, because as much as it is fun, that is how much there is something missing whether important or not.